The Curious Incident of the Passive-Aggressive German in the Day Time

In my previous blog entry I mentioned how I was embracing life and getting fit. It's a great goal to have. It's life affirming to be healthy, it boosts my happiness and self-confidence. As I walk down the road to work observing good looking young Berliners, I am disheartened to see them all smoking. I harbor regret on their behalf and think how sad it is that they're showing such a naive disregard for the gift of life. Then I take another drag on my cigarette and think about something else. Yes, I smoked again this week. Along with everyone else in Berlin it would seem. People smoke in bars, people smoke on their bikes. Everywhere. The smoking rates here must be through the roof. 

 

Anyway, my stupid smoking lead to a curious incident this weekend. Balconies were obviously in vogue when my flat was designed (in 1974) and since I hate living with the smell of stale smoke I use my balcony as a smoking area. We've had good weather in Berlin recently, I soak up the sun and enjoy the self-indulgence and momentary peace offered by a cigarette. But recently I noticed that as my lighter sparked up windows slammed shut. The windows in question belong to a fellow resident that lives on the floor above. The windows are always open, this person clearly has a passion for enjoying the outdoors (while being indoors) and (somewhat understandably) a dislike for the smell of burning tobacco floating on a summer's breeze. I felt bad about this. Although it is my balcony and my dependence, the last thing I want to do is be anti-social. 

 

But addiction is a cruel mistress and I found myself on my balcony over the weekend and while experiencing the dichotomy of contentment and self-loathing a cigarette brings, I heard the sound of windows slamming shut again. I felt bad. I took another drag which only served to compound the guilt. Then, oddly, I heard the sound of  windows being opened followed by a peculiar squirting noise. I ignored it at first but as it continued I eventually looked up. I saw a disembodied arm poking out the window above. In its hand was a bottle of air freshener which was pointed down in my direction and was being squirted vigorously. It was entirely futile in one respect, I couldn't smell the air freshener as the summer breeze blew it away (or perhaps my sense of smell is nummed by the American Spirits) but I got the message that was obviously intended.

 

I put my cigarette out. I was angry. How dare this stupid person act like that. I have a tendency towards passive aggressive behavior but this was something else. They could have said something, granted I wouldn't have understood but still... How rude! 

 

After my rage had subsided I gave some thought to how I should react to this (still annoying) act of cowardly passive aggressiveness. It took a while, but I decided. I decided to be nice (and counter the passive aggressive behaviour with an act of even more passive aggressive behavior). I delivered a gift to my fellow neighbour by way of an apology. I left it outside their door. It is depicted below. 

 

I won't smoke on my balcony again though. I don't want to be an arse. In a way I quite appreciate this episode, it provides me with another incentive to quit.